flattery & criticism go down the drain and I am quite free
a long sprawling letter on 23 year old me, navigating female friendships and letting go of perfection.
I’m extremely fortunate to have a ‘job’ that doesn’t feel like a job.
Someone asked me the other day how many hours I work and the answer is I have absolutely no idea. I teach my regular classes, I run teacher trainings, I write, I do the behind the scenes stuff, I create reels and get my face on instagram when I feel like it.
I’m always thinking about the studio, so in a way I am always ‘working’ but as I said, it doesn’t feel like work. It’s the place I feel most comfortable, which definitely has its own challenges and is something I need to be aware of. Even though people may see me as a very extroverted, confident person when I’m teaching or sharing on social media, I’m actually naturally shy and often feel totally awkward and out of place at social gatherings.
This is a paradox I sit with often. I’m aware of getting caught in ‘always being the teacher’ mode. I notice how this can mean I shut down from my personal relationships. If I’m with people all day in a teaching capacity I may be less likely to want to be with people in a social, relational capacity, so this year I’m making a big effort to nurture my friendships. Friendships are like a garden. They need tending to. We all have our love languages. Some of my friends (probably with a lot of Cancer placements!) are exceptional chefs and gift me with cookies from heaven, homemade chocolate and ghee. I have other friends who really know how to make a space look beautiful and share their interior design skills with me. I dont feel naturally gifted in either of these areas, but I guess my way to express my love is through words of affirmation, and I hope, great listening skills.
Navigating friendships hasn’t always come easily.